"By the grace of God I am what I am, and His grace toward me was not in vain; but I labored more abuntantly than they all, yet not I, but the grace of God which was with me." 1Cor 15:10
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
All of my children are in school and I am full force in the PTA for Andrew, and Madison's school. I am fighting a sinus infection along with a three yr old that hid under the bed today because he was sad Boomer (our shih-tzu) would be lonely. I had to carry him into school today- late which I hate being late, and he didn't want to wear his shoes and so that was a battle also. I have stopped screaming at my children in the car that if they didn't stay in their seat the police were going to take Mommy to jail after my 5 yr. olds response was not of sadness but a "that doesn't sound like a bad idea" kind of statement! I realized they had called my bluff and I had lost the battle. Well the last couple of weeks have been insanity!! Starting with the Welcome Breakfast for the Teachers, Meet the Teacher day, Curriculum night, ending with a picnic on Thursday!! I will from now on appreciate these events more when I go to them because I now understand that there are people putting everything they have into these events, and good or bad they have sacrificed time with their kids which is what they are ultimately doing it for and instead of watching that extra TV show with the spouse they are double checking price and volunteer lists. A lot of hard work goes into these events!! I don't care if my kids remember every event I just want them to remember I was there and I cared enough to be part of it. Our society is so busy that we have lost that urge to slow down and enjoy our children. I don't do it often enough!I was so excited about Andrew going to Kindergarten that when I actually walked him to class I realized I needed a muffin to at the BOO HOO breakfast I was hosting!! I enjoy the PTA and volunteering, it is keeping me out of bed, showered, with make-up on, and that is a good thing!!
Well today, I turned 28. I am settled and believe that 28 is definitely going to be better than 27! If you know me at all you understand that this year is can I say it worth forgetting? Since I had Savannah and then ultimately she died I have lived in a worse case scenario lifestyle for the most part, and keep myself as busy as possible. Most days are really good- others I am not a true functioning member of society. Ha! Ha! We have worked really hard to maintain our sanity even when some of our "friends" tell people we have gone off the deep end. What exactly is the deep end and do they really have room or freedom to talk? Anyway! I have sat down a made a list of all the bad and good things that have happened to me this year so as you read all the good things know that I am praising God everyday for the good things and struggling to get past the bad. It has been a good birthday and it kind of felt like I was making New Year's resolutions the whole time. I choose life. I choose to get out of bed and color with my kids, I am choosing to cook. LOL I am choosing to love my husband with all of his faults. I am choosing to try as hard as I can to be the best wife for him. I choose my children. It has all been bittersweet. I miss her and I am often a little jealous of little babies in their little swimmers and intertubes. I long for that. Its the little things. Spf 60 suntan lotion, little summer dresses. I see her carseat all the time- Pink plaid with a daisy where her head would rest. Oh Lord! How my heart hurts and I am so thankful at the same time.
Loss of Savannah -
Dirty house -
Lawn that needs to be mowed -
Fights with family
My family is still together
My house will eventually be clean
Choosing to make new friends
Knowing we are not crazy
I am happy with myself
I love my church
I have a new hobby in the PTA LOL!!
God has provided new and existing wonderful friends that have taught me how real friends should act. I don't need to be around the people I used to hang around with. Sadly, they were let downs, and I choose not to be who I was anymore.
I am truly grateful for my family. What a gift from God my parents have been, and our pastor Larry and his wife Cindy who have loved us at our worst and lowest. Who treat us like their own children. We are a Grateful people.....
I believe the way that we have handled ourselves this year after the loss of our daughter has been the way God has wanted us to, and we will either be vindicated or justified in the end. So, frankly the people who think we are wrong can mind their business. We are doing the best we can with the lot that was handed to us. Some might not understand why I am writing what I am writing others will, but as God as might witness I will survive this.
I am married with 3 kids which growing up I never thought I was going to do. I am in the PTA and love it, I go to practices and I love it, and I wear buttons with my childrens picture on it and I love that too! I am trying to live for Jesus everyday and hope that seeps into them. We'll see?!