Sunday, April 1, 2007

I Want More

Laughter is the best medicine. We laugh a lot in my home. Laughter is why I fell in love with Jon. He makes me laugh because well he is kind of a dork, but so am I. After being married for 7 almost 8yrs I know how he ticks, tocks, and everything in between. We are polar opposites, and I had a friend once say she didn't know how we got together because we didn't look like a couple. What kind of statement is that? LOL! Honestly I can say we are polar opposites, and we have nearly killed each other trying to understand how the other thinks over the last 7 yrs. Jon is Type A, everything needs to be done a certain way, and the very reason I fell in love with him is what drives me the craziest about him today! I told him one day "When I met you I was so impressed with how confident you were, but now I just think you're arrogant! See, this is where the personalities collide. I am laidback, go with the flow, and my attitude is "it will get done" I am laidback to the point of lazy. Yep that is right I said it! The past few months has made me evaluate our marriage, my heart, and my life. I want more. I want more for Jon, more for my kids, and more for my heart. It's good right now. Really good, but I want more. When Savannah was born very sick I think I fell in love with Jesus again. Funny isn't it? I knew He was my only hope. He could heal her, but He didn't. Not here. I hurt every single day, and there is not a moment in my day where she is not in my thoughts but I refuse to let the death of my daughter be the end of what God can do with me. I believe that God inhabits the praises of His people, and I plan to praise Him every, single day of my life until I die. God is my treasure, and in Him I will find my value. I will no longer compromise my integrity to belong. I want more because I choose Joy. I may not feel it, but God appropriated it and I Choose it! (Thank you, Beth Moore) When I die I want to stand in front of my God, and He greet me like my Dad does with a hug that is safe, and home. I don't want to be greeted by a long, forgotten friend because I chose to walk away from the relationship I could have had with Him because I was angry. I want it to be as amazing as I have always been told it's going to be. If I allow Him to use me- everything will change. I will be more. It could be really cool.

"By the grace of God I am what I am, and His grace toward me was not in vain; but I labored more abuntantly than they all, yet not I, but the grace of God which was with me." 1Cor 15:10
“I can’t find anywhere in the Word of God where it says a woman should get her sense of security, worth, or value from a place, possession, or position, or any person other than Jesus Christ.” Patsy Clairmont

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