10%

Well today I reached my 10% goal!!! Very, very cool!!! I have a looooong way to go, but I have had 4 children so now that I am finished having babies I can lose all the weight I gained when I had them!! I was not one of those Moms that bounced right back after having a baby!! (Those Momma's who are I commend you!! LOL) I just want to be a healthly, happy mom!! LOL I sorta want to look good for Jon too! LOL I know he doesn't care but it certainly helps!! LOL God is really good!!!

Pray for Mac

I have a prayer request!! We have a Sweet youth at our church that has had some major medical problems over the last several years stemming from an appendix rupture. She needs lots and lots of prayers!! Lift her up!! Thanks, Sarah
She will be Mac on my blog list!!
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/macschwartz

Small Enough

I have an odd feeling. I tear up regularly wondering how long it will be before I can go months without grieving Savannah. Lately I keep an IPOD in my ears whenever there is a long period of time that it's quiet or I am by myself. It keeps me from wondering into a depressed abyss. A song on my IPOD that really describes exactly how I feel right now is called Small Enough by Nicole Nordeman

Oh, great God, be small enough to hear me now. There were times when I was crying from the dark of Daniel's den and I have asked you once or twice if you would part the sea again but tonight I do not need a fiery pillar in the sky just wanna know you're gonna hold me if I start to cry. Oh, great God, be small enough to hear me now.
Oh, great God, be close enough to feel You now. There have been moments when I could not face Goliath on my own and how could I forget we've marched around our share of Jerichos, but I will not be setting out a fleece for you tonight- just wanna know that everything will be alright. Oh great God, be close enough to feel you now
All praise and all honor be to the God of ancient mysteries whose every sign and wonder turn the pages of our history, but tonight my heart is heavy and I cannot keep from whispering this prayer "are you there?"
and I know you could leave writing on the wall thats just for me or send wisdom while I'm sleeping, like in Soloman's sweet dreams but I don't need the strength of Samson or a chariot in the end just want to know that you still know how many hairs are on my head.
Oh great God, be small enough to hear me now.

I feel that way right now. It is not the big things right now that I need relief from. I just keep asking Him if He is there? I continue to pray and pray and pray. I don't feel lost though- I know that I have His favor, but tonight my heart is heavy- I am searching.

21.2!!!

I lost another 3 lbs!!! WOO HOO!! That means I have lost 21.2!!! I am sooooo excited!!! I had a crazy weekend and I was worried but it turned out really good!!! This summer is going to be awesome!!! Yahoo!!!!

Heartwalk

Well, friends I did it! I walked 3 miles in the Heartwalk in memory of my Sweet Savannah Brooke. I still love her name so much. It was not nearly as emotional as I thought it would be, but all in all it was what I needed to do. My husband Jon last week decided to walk with me. He didn't want to in the beginning because in his words "I didn't want to go back to that night ever again" I can't say that I blame him, but he wanted to walk with me and that blessed my heart. I just hope that the money that was raised helps a little for the research for Heart disease. It's funny but I think about her differently then Jon does; I don't think of her as being sick. I think of her as being a vibrant, animated 17 month old, and that is not the case of how our lives would have been. She would have already been through at least 3-4 surgeries, and that would continue for the rest of her life. We would have had to say our good byes every time she had a surgery and I believe that might have caused us to lose our minds. I choose to believe God knows best. She was a lovely little thing, I miss her terribly, but it is a different hurt now. I just long for Heaven, but on earth I love and take every wonderful moment with my living children as a gift from God because it can be gone in an instant. I know that because in an instant she was gone. I actually started this blog and quit to do a facial on Madison and paint her finger and toe nails!! So fun!! I don't know how lucky I am sometimes. Jon is having some "man" time with the boys. They are going to come back filthy but it is so wonderful!! I am at peace right now. I mended a bridge that had broken last year and am trying to be a grown up and have grown up friendships!! LOL It is so worth it!! I am just glad things are on the mend. (Miscommunication is really poopy) I really like my husband and you may think that is funny that I write that but I was terrified we would fail miserably as a married couple after this happened but it looks like we are going to be ok. I can't complain. I am however happy for our friends who have moved on and started families after the loss of their child. I continue to pray for them, and Jon and I are trying to continue living our lives as "a Grateful people". I am so amazed at how Jesus loves me. I am honored, and I continue to believe that even something as horrible as having a child die- He still loves me and provides me with Grace every day. It's no greater love. I am truly thankful.

Countdown to HeartWalk!!

Well I have met my goal and now I am just making sure I can walk, walk, walk!! What a might God we serve!! He continues to love me everyday and keeps me strong and able to move on!!! We are at less than 6 days to the walk!! Keep me in your prayers and if your are interested in jumping in a walking on Saturday let me know- we would love the company!!! Love, Sarah

Woot!

18.8 lost!!! So close to 10% !!!!!