Monday, April 21, 2008

Small Enough

I have an odd feeling. I tear up regularly wondering how long it will be before I can go months without grieving Savannah. Lately I keep an IPOD in my ears whenever there is a long period of time that it's quiet or I am by myself. It keeps me from wondering into a depressed abyss. A song on my IPOD that really describes exactly how I feel right now is called Small Enough by Nicole Nordeman

Oh, great God, be small enough to hear me now. There were times when I was crying from the dark of Daniel's den and I have asked you once or twice if you would part the sea again but tonight I do not need a fiery pillar in the sky just wanna know you're gonna hold me if I start to cry. Oh, great God, be small enough to hear me now.
Oh, great God, be close enough to feel You now. There have been moments when I could not face Goliath on my own and how could I forget we've marched around our share of Jerichos, but I will not be setting out a fleece for you tonight- just wanna know that everything will be alright. Oh great God, be close enough to feel you now
All praise and all honor be to the God of ancient mysteries whose every sign and wonder turn the pages of our history, but tonight my heart is heavy and I cannot keep from whispering this prayer "are you there?"
and I know you could leave writing on the wall thats just for me or send wisdom while I'm sleeping, like in Soloman's sweet dreams but I don't need the strength of Samson or a chariot in the end just want to know that you still know how many hairs are on my head.
Oh great God, be small enough to hear me now.

I feel that way right now. It is not the big things right now that I need relief from. I just keep asking Him if He is there? I continue to pray and pray and pray. I don't feel lost though- I know that I have His favor, but tonight my heart is heavy- I am searching.

1 comment:

Faith (Gavin's Mommy) said...

I find myself doing that a lot, and I am not completely in your situation... but I know what gives me peace, to know that children like Savannah, are not suffering anymore. Please if you ever need to talk, I am here...