"By the grace of God I am what I am, and His grace toward me was not in vain; but I labored more abuntantly than they all, yet not I, but the grace of God which was with me." 1Cor 15:10
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Well, friends I did it! I walked 3 miles in the Heartwalk in memory of my Sweet Savannah Brooke. I still love her name so much. It was not nearly as emotional as I thought it would be, but all in all it was what I needed to do. My husband Jon last week decided to walk with me. He didn't want to in the beginning because in his words "I didn't want to go back to that night ever again" I can't say that I blame him, but he wanted to walk with me and that blessed my heart. I just hope that the money that was raised helps a little for the research for Heart disease. It's funny but I think about her differently then Jon does; I don't think of her as being sick. I think of her as being a vibrant, animated 17 month old, and that is not the case of how our lives would have been. She would have already been through at least 3-4 surgeries, and that would continue for the rest of her life. We would have had to say our good byes every time she had a surgery and I believe that might have caused us to lose our minds. I choose to believe God knows best. She was a lovely little thing, I miss her terribly, but it is a different hurt now. I just long for Heaven, but on earth I love and take every wonderful moment with my living children as a gift from God because it can be gone in an instant. I know that because in an instant she was gone. I actually started this blog and quit to do a facial on Madison and paint her finger and toe nails!! So fun!! I don't know how lucky I am sometimes. Jon is having some "man" time with the boys. They are going to come back filthy but it is so wonderful!! I am at peace right now. I mended a bridge that had broken last year and am trying to be a grown up and have grown up friendships!! LOL It is so worth it!! I am just glad things are on the mend. (Miscommunication is really poopy) I really like my husband and you may think that is funny that I write that but I was terrified we would fail miserably as a married couple after this happened but it looks like we are going to be ok. I can't complain. I am however happy for our friends who have moved on and started families after the loss of their child. I continue to pray for them, and Jon and I are trying to continue living our lives as "a Grateful people". I am so amazed at how Jesus loves me. I am honored, and I continue to believe that even something as horrible as having a child die- He still loves me and provides me with Grace every day. It's no greater love. I am truly thankful.
I am married with 3 kids which growing up I never thought I was going to do. I am in the PTA and love it, I go to practices and I love it, and I wear buttons with my childrens picture on it and I love that too! I am trying to live for Jesus everyday and hope that seeps into them. We'll see?!