Sunday, May 6, 2007

A Little Venting Never Hurts

So I haven't written in a while on this site so I figured I would sit down and write a little. I am doing pretty good right now. I have stayed really, really busy. Most of the time good, but sometimes to my detriment. Lately, I have had a lot on my mind and I am over thinking. Thinking is way overrated. LOL! I remember being in high school and my day revolved around what people thought of me and really it killed me to not be liked. Now, I think I have grown up and my attitude is "well this is it and if you don't like me like this you probably never will." I really like this line of thinking now, and frankly I am trying to accept it. Sometimes it is easier said than done. I am just really confused right now. I have had best friends through the years and I really enjoyed being their friend but it always involved more than sadly I wanted to give. I grew up wanting and demanding to be the center of attention, but now I would like to be as far out of that circle as I possibly can. I have tried to not talk out of both sides of my mouth but it has happened. I admit it, but I just don't want to do that anymore. Today was not a good day, it was long, not a lick of sunshine, and a lot of rain. EEH! My daughter said something to me the other day and it is shocking to me how fast a girl learns to cut you right to the core. She said I wanted to stay at Grandma's house because her girl cousins were there and she didn't have a sister to play with. Whew! How do you respond to that? 1.) because you know she is cutting below the belt 2.) I never had a sister either and I know exactly how she felt? 3.) Buckle and let her win. I told her I fought with everything I had in me to not let her sister die it was just bigger than us and we had to accept that, but we weren't going to hurt each other in the process. I worry about Madison because I grew up with two brothers. I don't deal with girls very well. I never understood the smooch, smooch, screaming. love, love crap that some of my friends dished out.(most of the time fake) *eye roll* Maybe because I never trusted them enough to believe what they were saying. I don't like being told one thing and then their actions speak louder than words. I hung out with guys in high school, and I was always the friend, never the one they all wanted to be in love with. EEH so irritating!! haha! I just felt more relaxed and honest to goodness I think every girl says this. LOL I am just learning to have friends because I am not really good at it. I love God, my kids, my husband, my family, and my church and nothing else really matters. Honestly, I am an adult now and pleasing friends that aren't family isn't a concern for me anymore. My sister in law is one of my best friends, we have had rough moments but bottom line we would be there for each other. Jon is my best friend in the whole world and part of the time I just want to kick him in the face for acting like he is better that EVERYONE!!! but I love the crap out of that man. I hang out with people right now I never in a million years thought I would and I like it . I guess I have just wiped all the crap off my shoes and moved on and I am content. It's a good feeling

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