A New Week

I am writing for this week now and I posted a blog I started last week also!! LOL Well I lost 4lbs this week!! I did a kickstart week and it worked for me sooo grand total so far 24.2!!! It is amazing!! I feel really good and my energy level is soaring. It has been such a busy week already! Teacher's Appreciation Week has kept me busy along with 2 PTA meetings and I gave the opening thought for the city meeting it was very cool and I was very honored they asked me to speak!! Anywho!! We had some pretty good storms tonight and I got the biggest laugh out of my four yr old CJ who was so confused that nobody would take their clothes off to get in the bathtub during the big storms!! LOL He said THEY STILL HAVE THEIR CLOTHES ON!!! it was soo funny!! It is the little things!! LOL All in all a great week so far!!! WOO HOO! 8 days until school is out!!

What a week!

Well let's see I gained 1.8 this week- I think all the celebrating that I made my 10% helped in this minor set back! LOL! Yea- so I am back on track! LOL Jon has been out of town this week and I am sort of a pitiful soul right now! CJ had is school performance tonight and played a mean air guitar during one of the songs!! He gave me the giggles it was so funny!! Well all and all it has been a good week. We are getting ready for Teacher Appreciation Week and I have about 58 baskets in my family room that I have threatened my children's lives that if they touch they will not enjoy sitting for a while!! LOL They have stayed in place!! I just want it to be nice- Teacher's are so underpaid, and underloved- my dad is a teacher and we struggled a lot growing up because teacher's pay is so lousy! I am just curious- Where is all the casino money? HMMM? I know those places never close and they always seem busy. What a lie Oklahoma bought into! I voted no- because it hasn't brought a whole lot to the table- its quite sad- It has brought a lot of addicts. Sorry off my soap box!

10%

Well today I reached my 10% goal!!! Very, very cool!!! I have a looooong way to go, but I have had 4 children so now that I am finished having babies I can lose all the weight I gained when I had them!! I was not one of those Moms that bounced right back after having a baby!! (Those Momma's who are I commend you!! LOL) I just want to be a healthly, happy mom!! LOL I sorta want to look good for Jon too! LOL I know he doesn't care but it certainly helps!! LOL God is really good!!!

Pray for Mac

I have a prayer request!! We have a Sweet youth at our church that has had some major medical problems over the last several years stemming from an appendix rupture. She needs lots and lots of prayers!! Lift her up!! Thanks, Sarah
She will be Mac on my blog list!!
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/macschwartz

Small Enough

I have an odd feeling. I tear up regularly wondering how long it will be before I can go months without grieving Savannah. Lately I keep an IPOD in my ears whenever there is a long period of time that it's quiet or I am by myself. It keeps me from wondering into a depressed abyss. A song on my IPOD that really describes exactly how I feel right now is called Small Enough by Nicole Nordeman

Oh, great God, be small enough to hear me now. There were times when I was crying from the dark of Daniel's den and I have asked you once or twice if you would part the sea again but tonight I do not need a fiery pillar in the sky just wanna know you're gonna hold me if I start to cry. Oh, great God, be small enough to hear me now.
Oh, great God, be close enough to feel You now. There have been moments when I could not face Goliath on my own and how could I forget we've marched around our share of Jerichos, but I will not be setting out a fleece for you tonight- just wanna know that everything will be alright. Oh great God, be close enough to feel you now
All praise and all honor be to the God of ancient mysteries whose every sign and wonder turn the pages of our history, but tonight my heart is heavy and I cannot keep from whispering this prayer "are you there?"
and I know you could leave writing on the wall thats just for me or send wisdom while I'm sleeping, like in Soloman's sweet dreams but I don't need the strength of Samson or a chariot in the end just want to know that you still know how many hairs are on my head.
Oh great God, be small enough to hear me now.

I feel that way right now. It is not the big things right now that I need relief from. I just keep asking Him if He is there? I continue to pray and pray and pray. I don't feel lost though- I know that I have His favor, but tonight my heart is heavy- I am searching.

21.2!!!

I lost another 3 lbs!!! WOO HOO!! That means I have lost 21.2!!! I am sooooo excited!!! I had a crazy weekend and I was worried but it turned out really good!!! This summer is going to be awesome!!! Yahoo!!!!

Heartwalk

Well, friends I did it! I walked 3 miles in the Heartwalk in memory of my Sweet Savannah Brooke. I still love her name so much. It was not nearly as emotional as I thought it would be, but all in all it was what I needed to do. My husband Jon last week decided to walk with me. He didn't want to in the beginning because in his words "I didn't want to go back to that night ever again" I can't say that I blame him, but he wanted to walk with me and that blessed my heart. I just hope that the money that was raised helps a little for the research for Heart disease. It's funny but I think about her differently then Jon does; I don't think of her as being sick. I think of her as being a vibrant, animated 17 month old, and that is not the case of how our lives would have been. She would have already been through at least 3-4 surgeries, and that would continue for the rest of her life. We would have had to say our good byes every time she had a surgery and I believe that might have caused us to lose our minds. I choose to believe God knows best. She was a lovely little thing, I miss her terribly, but it is a different hurt now. I just long for Heaven, but on earth I love and take every wonderful moment with my living children as a gift from God because it can be gone in an instant. I know that because in an instant she was gone. I actually started this blog and quit to do a facial on Madison and paint her finger and toe nails!! So fun!! I don't know how lucky I am sometimes. Jon is having some "man" time with the boys. They are going to come back filthy but it is so wonderful!! I am at peace right now. I mended a bridge that had broken last year and am trying to be a grown up and have grown up friendships!! LOL It is so worth it!! I am just glad things are on the mend. (Miscommunication is really poopy) I really like my husband and you may think that is funny that I write that but I was terrified we would fail miserably as a married couple after this happened but it looks like we are going to be ok. I can't complain. I am however happy for our friends who have moved on and started families after the loss of their child. I continue to pray for them, and Jon and I are trying to continue living our lives as "a Grateful people". I am so amazed at how Jesus loves me. I am honored, and I continue to believe that even something as horrible as having a child die- He still loves me and provides me with Grace every day. It's no greater love. I am truly thankful.